Sunday, April 17, 2011

The introspection

I don't know if I have been a loyal son, caring brother, friend to trust upon, or loving partner; but I had always tried to do justice to every role I was in.
Not all what I did or do is right, maybe I don't know what's right or wrong, but whatever done was done with logic which we all grow with age, reasoning and experience.
We all adapt and handle the situations based on these, I take all the responsibility of my action and that keeps me grounded and original.

I don't know what and where I went wrong? What was that I couldn't figure out and why was I not able to change it back? Why did I always let things go?

Sometimes looking back I feel why all these started at first place if they were not intended for me. I might know the answer, but at this moment mind doesn't look for logic or any short of convincing, the feeling of not being respected, loved, misunderstood and neglected leaves you with anger and an urge to release it somehow, somewhere but it doesn't go away, no matter how hard you try to pacify yourself.

I have tried all short of ways, letting it through writing, listening to music, self evaluations, joining gym, even drinking, but all are as temporary solution to a bigger problem. It's more like a resentment which is now deep rooted inside and not able to find a place to release itself.

The feeling of many things unsaid and undone does not let you move forward. Remembering those tiny and small discussions for hours you had earlier with your partner be it on the restaurant to dine, movie to watch, color of the shirt or length of the skirt , anything and everything was always talked about. And suddenly one day someone walks away without given any explanation to the other person as if they never meant anything to them.

When a relationship ends as an open question you will always seek an answer to it long after it's happened. Guys are not like girls who can vent their emotions crying or expressing amongst their family or close friends. For us these unrelieved emotions grow inside as anger or frustration. You don't give yourself fully to any new relationships because of your past experiences.

Relationships are risky, you have to get it right at very first place or be lucky; else things keep on getting complicated. Take the case of two Bollywood hunks Salman and Sahid, their bitter experiences have never let them settle, and this sometimes works as a consolation for us. I am alone is not who is having failed relationship it happens to celebrities also, so It's perfectly ok if it happened to me.

2 comments:

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  2. Analogy at the end is sure consolation for all those who goes through such phases in life.

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